Unexpected
by elenniel
Summary: Even at almost forty, Atobe's still the ladies' man. And then he makes a mistake... Muahahahah. A oneshot cowritten by Develicious and elenniel to amuse themselves.


**Unexpected**

Co-written by _Develicious_of Endless-Dreamers and myself.

Because we were bored.

And because we find it fun to torture a certain character. (Well, I do, anyway. Muahahaha)

:D

* * *

"We had actually made bets that you would be the first to get married, Keigo." 

Atobe Keigo turned to the source of voice and gave him a weak smile. He turned his head back again to the crowd and studied them. "You thought so, huh?' he said sarcastically.

Shishido Ryou looked at his very old friend and envied him. Almost forty and the damn Atobe Keigo didn't look a day over twenty-five. _Must be all the cosmetic surgery, _he thought wryly. "Seriously, there isn't anyone?" he asked. "For god's sake, Choutarou's going to be a _grandfather_ soon."

Atobe kept his eyes focused on the crowd. "It's his fault for marrying so young," he said.

Shishido shrugged. "Well you know it was their choice. She didn't want him to go and live in the States alone so they both agreed to get married."

"I'm sure she was only afraid that he would find someone else there," Atobe mumbled.

"It doesn't matter," he said, sitting down opposite him. "They're happy and that's what counts."

"Are you happy?"

"I'm engaged."

Atobe smirked. "You still didn't answer my question."

Shishido glared at him. He was happy, but why was the idiot insinuating that he was not? He shook his thoughts away and looked at him again. "I'm surprised your parents haven't forced you to marry by now."

"They think I'm gay." He chuckled, thinking it was amusing.

Shishido let out a sigh and decided to leave him for now. As he walked away, he bumped into a rather pretty young woman. He adored his girlfriend, but that didn't mean he stopped appreciating beauty in general. He turned to look at Atobe and saw him raise his glass to him.

Shishido glared at him, but was more annoyed with himself for being caught eyeing a woman.

Atobe was too busy smirking at Shishido to notice that the young woman had stopped next to his table.

"Are you Atobe Keigo?"

He looked at her, only feeling mildly surprised that she recognized him. He was a recognizable figure, after all.

"And you are?" he asked, not bothering to answer her question as it seemed so ridiculously obvious anyway. He looked at her appreciatively. She was undoubtedly pretty – silky-looking hair, curves in all the right places, and beguiling eyes.

"You can call me Hikaru." She flipped her hair over her shoulder. "I always wanted to meet the famous Atobe Keigo – I didn't think that I actually would."

"Che… Another fan?" he said.

"Hm… Only as of this moment. I didn't know you'd be even more handsome in real life than you were in pictures."

He gave her an amused look. "Are you hitting on me?"

"Perhaps." She smiled coyly.

"Hmm. You're interesting." He placed an elbow on the table and rested his chin in his hand. "Interesting and gorgeous. Not a common combination."

It was her turn to look somewhat amused. "Now who's hitting on whom?"

----------

_Hours Later (Morning)_

Atobe picked up his tie and flung it over his shoulder. He wondered vaguely why they had ended up in her home instead of at his place, or in a hotel somewhere. But he hadn't exactly cared about the location at the time…

"Where are you going?"

He turned around. "Oh. You're awake."

Hikaru sat up in her bed and pulled the sheets around her. "Going so soon?"

"I never intended to stay." He looked around and located his coat on the floor near a chair. "Last night was superb, but I rarely stay on. You should know that – you're my fan, aren't you?" he said, opening the door and stepping out of her room. "And anyway… This is your family home, isn't it? I don't particularly want to be caught by your parents in your room -"

"Who are you?" said a strong voice behind him.

Atobe felt even more annoyed. Great. He'd just have to make a quick excuse and disappear - she could do the explaining to her father herself. He turned around.

And found himself face to face with Sanada Genichirou.

----------

_Fifteen minutes later_

"San…" Atobe choked and coughed, holding the wrist of the hand grabbing his neck. "Calm down, Sanada."

"Daddy," Hikaru exclaimed, holding his upper arm. "You'll kill him!"

"Exactly."

Sanada glared at Atobe, backing him up against the wall. "What did you wish to accomplish by seducing _my _daughter?"he asked through gritted teeth.

Atobe was barely able to breathe. He could have sworn that he was turning blue by then. "I swear…cough… I swear I didn't know she was your daughter!"

Sanada shoved him hard against the wall again.

Atobe gasped for air.

Hikaru pulled at her father's arm. "Daddy, please! He didn't know. I'm the one who seduced him. He doesn't know that I'm only twenty."

"Only twenty?" Atobe wondered why he felt shocked at all. At least twenty was above eighteen.

Sanada pushed his daughter away and hauled Atobe up by his shirt. "Get down on your knees and propose."

Atobe stared dumbfounded at Sanada.

"Don't you dare give me that look! This was my baby until you violated her!" he snapped. "On one knee now and propose!"

"No."

Sanada grabbed his collar again. "What did you say?" he asked very calmly.

Atobe felt sweat forming on the side of his face. "I said… No."

Sanada's veins began popping.

"What's going on?"

Atobe looked up at the new voice and his eyes nearly fell out of his head. Just when he thought it couldn't get any worse than being choked to death by a middle school rival after sleeping with his daughter...

"Fay?" he croaked. He felt like his vocal chords were half-crushed in Sanada's grip.

"Genichirou, what's going on? Hikaru?" The woman looked from one to the other.

"Mother!" Hikaru cried. "Please make daddy stop - he's going to kill him!"

"You know him, Fay?" asked Sanada, hard eyes still fixed on Atobe.

"Well, I should think I do. He's my ex-boyfriend."

With one accord, father and daughter turned and stared at her.

Atobe felt a chill run through him. Wrong thing to say. VERY wrong.

Sanada's iron gaze returned to Atobe. He leaned in until Atobe thought he could feel the daggers shooting out from Sanada's eyes and embedding themselves in his head. "So you seduced my wife as well, did you?" he said in a low, dangerous voice.

"Sa-Sanada," coughed Atobe, attempting to pry away his fingers from his neck. "Listen, I -" He gasped for air once more.

"Mother!" shrieked Hikaru.

"Genichirou! What is the meaning of this? Let him go," said Fay.

"I just caught him coming out of Hikaru's room," said Sanada grimly.

"You were in my daughter's room?" exclaimed Fay.

By that point, Atobe felt his hold on his sanity disappear. He raised a hand in Fay's direction. "First of all" - he coughed - "she wasn't your wife when she was my girlfriend." He struggled a little against Sanada's grip. "And second, I only slept with Fay once."

Atobe didn't know which gave him the migraine that followed - Sanada's tightening grip or the chaotic babble that erupted then.

"You slept with my daughter?" Fay was practically screaming at him, totally ignoring what he had said.

At the same time, Hikaru was demanding of her mother in horror, "He was your boyfriend? You _slept_ with him? Wait, you said you married daddy when you were twenty. _When_ were you dating this guy??"

"I'm going to castrate you," Sanada said. "And then I'm going to kill you."

Atobe didn't comprehend anything anymore except the fact that he was going to die, strangled by Sanada Genichirou while his ex-girlfriend-now-Mrs-Sanada and their daughter (whom he had just slept with) screamed at him in varying degrees of shrillness. Oh, what a way to go… He wondered how his obituary would read…

"Argh! _Stop!_"

They all stopped and looked at Fay.

"Gen, let go of him," Fay said, oddly calm.

"Fay…"

"Let. Go. Of. Him."

Sanada gritted his teeth, but did as she said. The minute he let go of Atobe…

--- SLAP ---

Atobe dropped to the floor, his cheek stinging.

"Next time…"

--- SLAP ---

"Ask the person's name before you sleep with them!" Fay shouted.

"Well, it's not like I'd have known she was _your_ daughter even if I'd asked," said Atobe. "She's not called Mishima Hikaru, you know."

--- SLAP ---

While holding Fay back, Sanada figured Atobe was really losing his marbles. That probably wasn't the smartest remark to make under the circumstances.

Hikaru caught Atobe's arm before he fell and stabilized him. However, he backed away from her immediately. "Stay away from me."

"Let go of me, Genichirou!" Fay exclaimed.

"No. You will not deprive me of the pleasure of sending him to hell."

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

All the adults froze.

Hikaru screamed and held her head. "Ew! Ew! I slept with my mother's ex-boyfriend! Ew! Ew!!!! Gross!" she screamed, running out of the bedroom.

"And she realized that only _now_?" Atobe said wryly.

"You must have really lost it to be taking things so lightly," Sanada snapped. "You probably shocked her half to death."

"Do you seriously think I'm enjoying this!?" Atobe yelled. "I have mother and daughter screaming in my face and the man of the house is _you_! You might as well kill me now."

"Consider it done."

"Gen!" Fay held him back. "Don't do something stupid! It's not easy to cover up a murder…"

Atobe stood up and tried to smooth his wrinkled shirt.

Sanada stood in front of him and crossed his arms. "Where do you think you're going?"

"Away. _Far_ away from here."

"Are you planning on seeing my daughter again?"

"Believe me, NO!"

"And what if she's pregnant?"

"Then you'd be my child's grandfather."

----------

_Two days later_

"Why do you have a black eye?"

Atobe glared at Oshitari Yuushi out of his uninjured eye. He didn't say anything. He didn't want to say anything. Best that no one knew about the whole idiotic affair. He would rather let Oshitari pester him and poke fun about the black eye without knowing the reason for it than let him laugh his head off knowing why and how it came about.

"Well?"

"It's none of your business."

"Hmmm." Oshitari sat down. "Did you sleep with someone you're not supposed to?"

Atobe nearly choked on his coffee but somehow contrived to suppress the reaction and tried to look normal. Why did that man always ask the right questions at the right time? He wasn't going to answer him anyway. _No one_ was going to find out. If they did, he'd have to shave his head and go into a monastery for the rest of his life. That was about the only way he'd escape ridicule.

Oshitari leaned back and gazed mildly at the ceiling. "I am going to share a random piece of information with you, Atobe."

"What?" he muttered.

"My daughter, Makoto, is Sanada Hikaru's best friend."

_ THE MISERABLE END _

* * *

Not quite my usual style of writing - but hey, it's co-written with Dev after all. It can't possibly be _totally_ 'me.' Heh. But this was undeniably fun to write. Nyek. 

I hope minna-san had a good laugh over this, if nothing else. XD


End file.
